Your SDOH Manager: A Series on Transparency in a Judgement Free Zone
Many situations have made me doubt myself. I became a mother at 19 years, and upon becoming pregnant, I was met with anger and disappointment from so many around me. See, in communities of color, you tend to unintentionally carry the weight of your family and the community. I also come from a deeply religious background and believed my sins, i.e., my pregnancy turned child born out of wedlock were always showing. This alone was enough to be depressed and hide out in the house.
Struggling to Get Assistance
A mom at 19, I was faced with many challenges. It was difficult to find a job that paid more than $8 an hour and worked with my school schedule. While getting Medicaid seemed easy, traveling to the WIC office was a struggle. Between the breastmilk drenching my shirt, hauling a heavy car seat/stroller, a crying baby, waiting 2 hours to be seen and approved for benefits, hungry with just enough money to order from the dollar menu somewhere, and rude patrons on and off the bus; I was physically and emotionally exhausted.
Going to the Health and Human Services Office for SNAP interviews were no different. They made me feel even more ashamed and embarrassed because of how the workers treat you and how people watching you walk into the building. I have never been one with much pride, but I felt insecurities growing that impacted how I took care of myself and my daughter. I did not seek postpartum care because I was afraid of what my OB thought of me. In my family, depression was also seen as an excuse to not be okay. Even the community made you appear to be weak if you were too tired, too sad, or too much of anything outside of compliant and assimilating.
During this time in my life, I also experienced multiple back-to-back losses of family I loved dearly. I cried a lot and did not have anyone I felt I could reach out to. I wanted so badly to not feel like a failure. Looking back on it today, I had way more stress than I thought, and I wish I could hug the 19-year-old me and tell her that everything will be okay. I wanted to tell my OB how sad I was but was afraid it would lead to someone taking my baby and locking me away. I wish that fear did not keep me from seeking out help.
Utilize The Resources Around You
So, what is the point of all of this? I allowed others to keep me from reaching out for help because I was always worried about what other people thought of me. Do not ignore how you are feeling. If you feel overwhelmed or your body does not feel good, take a break. If you need help with anything, do not be afraid to ask. Call your doctor or therapist to ask questions. Utilize all the access you have for you to contact any of your providers. Most importantly, do not let what other people think about your life decisions keep you from being the best version of yourself. Live without shame and remember that if it cost you any part of your health, let it go.
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